Saturday, April 09, 2005

Tired and Uncertain

I'm exhausted after yesterday's 13 hour shift. I have today off and I'm looking forward to two more 12-13 hour shifts tomorrow and the next day. Against all hope, I'm holding out for a nap this afternoon and then being in bed by midnight and asleep by 1am.

Woke up with nausea, an upset stomach, unusual funky other symptoms and pain in most of my joints. The weather has been rough lately...beautiful for the eyes and rough for folks with RA. I'm also not sleeping enough working days all of a sudden after two years of nights. I'll go back to nights next friday (six days) and I'll be grateful for it, I believe.

I descimated my checking account this week past by paying every known bill in a very short amt of time. Wow. 'Course taking $3K from anyone normal human's acct might do that if you're Middle America. I'm Southern Eccentric American. I'm really not rich enough to be called 'eccentric', but I can imagine and dream. I'm actually more Dysfunctional Southern American.

I'm sitting here listening to daybreak birdsong and feeling the dampness of an early spring morning. I really do equate this place to Dol Amroth. It's old, has an otherworldly feeling, as if it once was inhabited by an older race (like Elves) and now has diminished and the bloodlines are weakened. I'd love to go to the beach today. It would exhaust me and it's not safe with the medications I'm on (besides the gas money necessary would also be a shocker), however, I'm thinking I'd enjoy the journey. I might just call my compadres and see if anyone wants to take a ride with me to wherever. Hell, if they'll drive, I'll sport for fuel.

I need the spiritual renewal and the energy I'd get from a trip to Mother Ocean. I would've loved to have gone during some of the recent rains. Last night's dinner, which I am paying for today with a hell of a stomach ache, would've been better substituted with a Coca-Cola, some sort of pastry and a windows-down ride to the beach. I couldn't have wandered very far with my level of exhaustion (made worse by taking Methotrexate the day before). I would've enjoyed it, though. It was a nice, slightly breezy spring night with an edge of chill to the damp air. Ahhhh...

I've managed to lose ten pounds between the med side effects and a recent stomach virus. I've dropped enough that co-workers who haven't seen me in a month were all over me yesterday commenting. Complementary, but I would prefer to have lost it by some other method than nausea, which is despise! My hair looks good, though, with all this humidity. I am cultivating this wicked silver streak off of my left temple. If the rest doesn't change too much with life's marching calendar and the meds that tend to change the color, I'll have a Polgara streak in a year. It's grown out quite a bit since I hacked at it last year and lopped off some 6+ inches. I need to cut more off for the sake of the ends probably, but it's back down to the small of my back when I stand straight in a semblance of good posture.

I'm going to drop off here after a list of 'concerns and things to care about':
1. Taxes.
2. Amber - I want to play!
3. Meds - I dread the bill.
4. The next two work shifts...ugh.
5. Sharpe's Collector's Edition - $212.14 is the best deal I can get at the moment.
6. Pain.

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He looks as if he is sitting at any low-end apartment pool here in modern-day Dol Amroth. Such a normal looking guy photo. That is not a bad thing for the imagination...when I think of layers of backstory in my modern-day Urban Faerie Tale (no pun intended), I can throw his image in there for fodder. What excellent fodder....*licks lips*.
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